Dead Wrong?

March 15th, 2013 Comments

KindnessA few years ago I was facing some great pressure to succeed. Some of it was external, but much of it came out of my own brokenness, desire to not fail, and personal ambition. On top of that, I was burned out and running on empty. I knew what had to be done, but I didn’t have what it took to get it done.

Though I had a great team, I was losing them. Partly because I was driving them away, and partly because they could see the end coming – even if I couldn’t. And then I made a huge blunder. It was a calculated risk, but it was the wrong choice. In my desire to finish what we started, I pressured a good friend to be someone he wasn’t. I loved him (still do) and needed him (still do), but I hurt him badly. In the process, I lost the trust and respect of the others also.

The project collapsed, I was transferred, and we all went our separate ways. Unfortunately, we never held a formal postmortem and some of our greatest successes, as well as our mistakes and failures, vanished into the ether – never to be seen again.

On my next job, not realizing it at the time, I carried much of the same enthusiasm, ambition, and burn out. Within a couple of years, I not only failed, but I was asked to leave. Thus began a long solo journey into introspective confusion.

In the last year things have begun to make sense. I realize how driven I was, how obnoxious I was in that ambition, and how impatient I became when people didn’t catch the vision in my soul.

When I my Dad was teaching me to drive, and explaining the¬†right-of-way¬†rules and laws, he used to talk about being “Dead Right.” In other words, I may have the right-of-way, but I could end up being dead right. I now see that as the perfect metaphor for the past six-plus years of my life – if not my entire life.

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